For when I am tried and purified, I shall come forth as gold.

The other night, I was in a bit of stuggle and confusion. With only two weeks left till graduation, Instead of being estatic. I found myself feeling as though I was thrown into a sea of sharks. Now that sounds pretty intense or it might not even make any sense, but at that time anything felt like a wave of "struggle".

Since August of last year, I entered into a program in which I didn't think I would make it. They describe it as the Basic Training or Boot Camp for Nursing School. I pretty much scoffed at the thought because, I am Viviana. I can do anything. Though my pride fell and I soon quickly realized, I am Viviana, I cannot do anything without God. I learned that without Him, I will fall, I will struggle, an I will fail. I have lived my life, knowing that through everything no matter what the circumstances maybe - "God is good and He is ALWAYS right." After completeing my fist semester of nursing school, I felt as though I could accomplish everything. I felt as though everything in my world was okay. It wasn't not personally. I put my focus on other things that didn't pertain to school, in which towards the end of that first semester I almost didn't make it. I thank the Lord now that, the hinderence that could have made me drop out of nursing school is not in my life anymore. I enterned my second semester with a whole new attitude of - "I can do ALL things through Christ..." and that He will provide for me every step of the way. Life became simple again, not as easy but it was simple and it was wonderful.

I know now that for some reason God has provided everything He had for me for a special purpose. Because we are here on purpose for a purpose. Though as I felt that I knew what that purpose was for my life, I really don't. And I still don't. I'm trying to figure that out everyday of my life. I can't see the full picture only God can, and for that I'm so blessed that He knows what path I am going to take, and it is my hearts desire that, it will be the path that the Lord wants me to be on. People have failed me many times, but God has never failed me.

But now it's time for me to grow up. I am not that teenage girl anymore who can live life having things just given to her. I am so blessed that my family has helped me through out my life and has given me everything I could ever have (not in a sense of things but of support and love.) I am quickly learning that the life of "adulthood" is not easy and that every choice I make now will affect the rest of my life. And I am so afraid of making the wrong choice. I don't want to fail my God. I want His perfect and only will for my life. And I sit here today afraid of what the future could bring. But I know that he will give me peace in my heart and that I will be doing his will, because that is my only desire. I was reading the book of Ruth, the other night and this verse touched my heart, Ruth had a desire. And I pray that I have the strength she had, and the faith she had to trust that God would give her the life he wanted for her.

Ruth 1:16 says: "And Ruth said, Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from the following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge, thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God."

What a perfect example of submission and faith. I know that Ruth didn't know what was going to happen with her life, but she trusted with staying with Naomi would be better for her.

I might not be making any sense, I guess I'm just typing to let everything go. But after August 12th my life will be changed, and with the Lord's help and blessing, his perfect plan will start to unfold, this is just the beginning of my journey and I want it to be pleasing to Him.

God never moves without purpose or plan.
When trying His servant and molding a man.
Give thanks to the Lord though your testing seems long;
In darkness He giveth a song.

O rejoice in the Lord, He makes no mistake,
He knoweth the end of each path that I take,
For when I am tried and purified,
I shall come forth as gold.

I could not see through the shadows ahead;
So I looked at the cross of my Savior instead,
I bowed to the will of the Master that day;
Then peace came and tears fled away.

O rejoice in the Lord, He makes no mistake,
He knoweth the end of each path that I take,
For when I am tried and purified,
I shall come forth as gold.

Now I can see testing comes from above,
God strengthens His children and purges in love.
My Father knows best, and I trust in His care;
Through purging more fruit I will bear.

O rejoice in the Lord, He makes no mistake,
He knoweth the end of each path that I take,
For when I am tried and purified,
I shall come forth as gold.